Light Filled Grief Ritual for Small Groups

*Picture by Devang Punia on Unsplash

I recently led a time of remembrance for the women's prayer group at my church, following the unexpected death of one our parishioners. The surprising nature of her death meant that we didn't have a chance to anticipate the loss or begin to grieve it in advance. We needed a way to honor our experience and say goodbye to a beloved member of our community, together. I offer you an outline of the ritual as a resource to use within your own small group settings following a death. Here's how it went:

Sit in a circle and put a big candle on an empty seat. Explain that this represents the light of the person who died, and the way their light lives on in your community.

Get as many small candles as there are people present. We used the candles we pass out at church for candle lit services. You could also use tea lights. Slowly light each small candle and pass them around the circle until everyone has one. Explain that this is the light the deceased has shared with you, which comes from the light that unites us all.

Invite people to reflect out loud in the circle. How did the deceased share their light with you? What did you love and admire about them? What do you want to emulate from their life and the way they contributed to your community? This can also be a time to share about your experience of the death, feelings, and memories. Be sure to have a box of kleenex.

End with a blessing. Go around the circle and give a blessing to the deceased beginning with "May you..." Consider, what are your hopes for this person now that they have died? For instance, you may hope they will be reunited with loved ones, unburdened of their life's stresses, restored to wholeness, or at peace in God.

Blow out your candles. Watch as the flame turns into smoke. Explain that while this person has died and left their physical existence on our earthly plane, their form has now changed. Their essence has returned to matter and energy, and they can still be a spiritual presence in your lives.

Whatever loss your community is going through, know that you are not alone. May you be held in love and guided by light in the days going forward.